Don’t Be That Guy

Connor Jaschen 2

Column by Connor Jaschen, Features Editor

College is a time to reinvent yourself. Were you a skater punk in high school but now you want to be professional? Good. That’s just part of growing up.

With that being said, there’s a few key things to remember when moving into this new stage of your life, one of which being: You have a three-step grace period to take off your sunglasses after walking inside.

What does that have to do with reinventing yourself? Well, this reinvention phase can be a tragedy for someone who wants to be the typical ‘cool’ guy.

Coming into your freshman year, kids will gear up. Yes, those Ray-Bans you paid way too much for – because lets be honest, they’re glasses – look cool. Throw some croakies on and you’re on your way to looking ‘frat.’

A major swing and a miss is when you wear those shades inside. There is no more need for UV protection. You likely aren’t that sensitive to light and have no real reason to wear them other than you being the worst type of person. Or, you have a disability that causes you to need your glasses, and if that’s the case, more power to you.

This is where the three-step rule comes into play. Open the door and, unless you are holding a small child or fine china that you really don’t want to drop, take those shades off immediately. You don’t need them and you just look like an explicit word that can’t be published in The Murray State News.

As far as being ‘that guy’ goes, there are a ton of things someone can do to cross that very fine line that have nothing to do with your Raybans.

Here’s to all of you who think it’s okay to take the elevator to the second floor: it’s not.

When it comes down to it, even the third floor is pushing it.

Some of us have classes to go to, and in buildings like Fine Arts or Faculty Hall, you are the hold up. You are the obstacle. You are the traffic jam of our college lives that simulate the frustration only a six car pile-up can muster in the real world.

In short, you are the worst.

Now, there are some exceptions to this golden rule.

First off, if you have a real reason for taking the elevator, I grudgingly accept. And I’m not talking a leg cramp here; if you make me late, I want to see some crutches.

Secondly, I will understand if you have a load to carry. While nothing is worse than having the trumpet ensemble think they can all pile in to your elevator, I get the necessity of it. An instrument can’t be too fun lugging up eight flights of stairs.

College is a time of molding yourself into whatever you want to be and everyone should respect that, because we have all either been there or are currently working on ourselves.

However, if you decide to cross the line into ‘that guy’ territory, please know you will be judged, harshly and without mercy.