I’m all about Tinder pranks. People making fake Tinder profiles and saying strange things to their matches is funny to me. While the dating app provides meetups, and even romance, it is also a platform for some good Internet comedy.
However, there is a new viral phenomenon that didn’t make me giggle so much as it filled me with concern.
Claire Boniface, a 20-year-old student, conducted a social experiment titled “agreeing with boys when they compliment you.” Instead of being grateful and thanking men for Tinder messages saying “you’re so hot,” or “you have pretty eyes,” she would agree with them by saying “yes,” or “I know.”
After trying this new response system, the men who originally gave her compliments called her things like “bitch,” “conceited” or “vain.” They would then retract their compliments.
It seems like the flow of romantic communication is formulaic, in a way. Boy says hello, boy compliments girl, girl should feel obligated to give thanks, everything is great. If the girl ignores the boy or agrees with his compliment, she is ungrateful, self-obsessed and rude. In reality, women should not be degenerated for expressing their freedom of choice in partner selection. They can also choose to accept their own beauty and intelligence before a man says it, and they should.
From an early age, people are taught the mantra of self-love and acceptance. We are taught that confidence is beautiful and as soon as we discover a love for ourselves, it will be easier for other people to love us as well. Beauty and desirability are not gifts that can only be bestowed upon us by other people.
Why is it that it’s perfectly OK for women to doubt a compliment they receive, but it’s an issue of narcissism when they actually believe it? A lot of this backlash is found in guys with “nice guy syndrome,” who believe that women should feel obligated to date them because they’re nice to them.
Most of us know humans are complicated because we all were teenagers once. Unrequited love and losing out on someone you’re attracted to are facts of life and they happen to everyone (that isn’t Ashton Kutcher).
Have I been rejected when I tried to flirt with someone before? Of course. Instead of acting aggressive and calling the person names, I took the hint and respected that this person was not obligated to be with me.
I’m not on a crusade against men. Most men know how to take a loss for the team, pick themselves back up and find someone new if they are turned down by a woman, but some need a little help.
In 1946, Brooklyn Dodgers Manager Leo Durocher coined the famous term, “nice guys finish last.” Now, some people have taken the term and used it as a life lesson. While it seems that way sometimes, nice guys don’t always finish last.
Instead of berating women for their own inspired confidence, we should celebrate it.
Instead of insulting them for ignoring you or turning you down, realize that there is someone else who will accept your affection. Keep swiping right, Tinderfolk.
Column by Carly Besser, Opinion Editor