That’s What He Said: These are a few of my (un)favorite things

As a highly analytical person, I could point out flaws with nearly anything, especially myself.

There are a few things that really take away my enjoyment of sports as a whole. However, maybe I’m not alone in how I feel, but then again maybe I am. Either way, I’m okay with it.

 

Alcohol at sports events

I’ll be the first one to admit my love of bourbon. I can’t help it; it tastes so good. I can drink it neat or on the rocks, and it mixes pretty well with choice sodas.

What it doesn’t mix with is sporting events.

For the most part, I want to remember all of the statistics and special plays in a game. I want to be able to recollect the faces and emotions of the people around me, as I make snapshots of the key moments. Alcohol inhibits my memory, as it should, and as a sports writer and avid fan of competition, I’m paying for the memories generated from the experience. I most certainly don’t want them hazy or blacked out.

As for the other fans … I hate the drunken ones. Yes, hate. They are obnoxious, they are ignorant and they ruin the experience for everyone else. They stand up in front of me when I want to see the play. They think they know more than everyone else.

They just ruin the experience. Do me a favor; stay at home and drink in front of your television while I sit here and enjoy my game.

 

People ripping replacement refs

Look, I know the Seattle Seahawks’ Hail Mary to Golden Tate was the worst touchdown call in the history of football. I get it. I understand how the replacement refs should be better at their jobs, and how fans have had to watch dismal calls week after week.

And though the original refs have returned after a labor deal was settled this past week, I still find myself frustrated at the entire situation.

Why did no one, and I mean no one, call out the labor deal for what it was? The NFL players did the same exact thing last season, holding out until the last minute and almost putting the season on ice for the year. The public outcry was deafening, as people wouldn’t shut up about how greedy owners and players were throughout the process.

This year, the NFL and the refs couldn’t agree to start the season, and no one said a word until it inconvenienced them. The double standard is frustrating to see. Neither side would budge on an agreement, and the NFL chose to hire refs outside of the league. Don’t blame the replacements; blame the excruciating process and breakdown in communications in business relations between the refs and the league.

 

Bandwagon fans

Now I’m not saying you have to have a tattoo to show your loyalty. You don’t need a sports cave enshrining your team’s colors and being a true fan doesn’t require you to have the entire team history memorized.

But if you can’t at least name the lineup of (insert team here), the strengths and weaknesses of your team and you can’t tell me where the team plays, don’t talk to me. Ever.

I understand your allegiance may derive from a long family history passed on from generation to generation. I know you like your team because of the color scheme of the uniforms or because you lived close to them growing up or your grandpa took you to a couple of their games when you were a kid.

I’m happy for you; I really am. Just don’t come to me and try to have an intelligent conversation regarding your team.

The defense rests its case.

Edward Marlowe, Staff Writer