Illegal Man Downfield: Facial hair; the art of manliness: Part 3

Dylan Stinson
Assistant Sports Editor

 

It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, that’s right it’s beard time. For my last two articles I’ve given you the top mustaches and goatees in sports, but now it’s time for the grand finale, the big show, the true champion of facial hair.

Every young boy wants to grow a beard. Nothing says I’m a man quite like having a bunch of hair all over your face.

Beards are special to men and have a prominent presence throughout history. All the greatest leaders and heroes have had beards: Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Chuck Norris and Santa Claus. Beards are a sign of wisdom and strength. When I see a man with a beard I think to myself, “Now, there’s a man who has it all together.” In sports there are men of all sorts who proudly flaunt their beards but there are three who have gone above and beyond society’s expectations for beards and have brought the meaning and style of beards to a whole new level in the athletic world and elsewhere.

Photo courtesy of www.profilingnews.com

No. 3 Brian Wilson

Many of you probably thought I was going to place Brian Wilson at the top of my list for best bearded sportsmen, but I’m almost 100 percent sure he dyes his beard, so his loses points for not being natural. If someone can prove me wrong, we’ll talk. Wilson’s thick, black beard is a sight to be seen and may be the most recognizable beard in sports today. Wilson not only has an attention grabbing beard, but a personality to go with his craziness. He truly is beard-bearer at its finest.

Photo courtesy of www.thebaseballdaily.mlbblogs.com

No.2 Mike Commodore

Mike Commodore’s fiery red beard is truly a masterpiece. Legend has it, if you stare at Commodore’s facial hair long enough you will go blind because it’s as fiery and bright as the sun. Commodore’s beard and hair combination give his a force to be reckoned with. The beard isn’t actually a beard, it’s just an extension of his hair, which is also really awesome.

Photo courtesy of www.tonyfelich.com

No.1 Brett Keisel

I believe with all my heart there has never been a beard as epic as Brett Keisel’s. It’s so gross, yet so elegant, so sophisticated! There have to be rat turds and dead spiders in that thing. That’s really gross, but true. Keisel’s beard is what all men strive for when growing a beard: wild epicness. No one grows a beard so then can look classy, they want to look like Brett Keisel. They want to look like a brute, a man’s man, a behometh, an alpha-male, a?freakin’ Keisel!

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